[ ebay ~ half.com ]

sooooooooooo..... i got caught out... please let this be a warning to you!

i bought this stupid book to do my praxis test with from ets. if ANYONE is going to do their praxis test don't buy 'the' book ~ they are rubbish!

so i decide to sell it on half.com.... someone wants it... i wrap it up, take it to the post office & send it media mail...

a few weeks later the buyer sends me an email telling me they haven't received it yet... i write back saying i sent it!

then... i get an email from ebay... saying that they are issuing a refund from me to this person because i have no proof of the book being sent & the buyer has not received it...

basically it comes down to my word against theirs!!

my only constellation is... that book is crap!!

[ dragonfly farms ]

sooooooo... i took the boys to dragonfly farms in hamilton on a beautiful autumn morning & we had a great time! there is a hay maze, i had a bit of trouble running through it, i think this is my wake up call to loose a few pounds! as i'm writing this i'm scoffing a delicious blueberry bagel! yum yum yum ooooooooo whatever!!! anyway it's getting colder which means i need a little extra me to keep warm!!

lots & lots of cool varieties of pumpkins ~ check out the texture in the first photo.

a great petting zoo!! like all petting zoos a lovely authentic aroma!!

but.. best of all is the hayride through the SPOOKY forest. i wooooo-ed all the way through it!!! when we got off i asked my fellow passagers where they got their tickets from... (i kind of sneaked on last minute!) & they said it was FREE!! music to my ears!! i would have wooooo-ed harder!!

up shot is ~ great place to take your little ones for a 'fall' treat!!! my sons 2 & nearly 4 really enjoyed themselves!! they are definitely the perfect ages for this activity.

info:

www.dragonflyfarmsnj.com

966 Kuser Rd
Trenton, NJ 08619-4019
(609) 588-0013

[ brrrrring brrrrring ]

sooooooooo...i'm going to sound really old now but i can't stand automated phone messages! first of all what is this? ~'please listen to all our options as they have recently changed...' yeah right!! this has become the standard message... if i was making a phone message for a company i would probably use that line! why is there the need to say that? it doesn't make me listen harder... in fact i have this extremely annoying habit of switching off while that message is going on & then i'm left having to make a completely blind selection or... hanging up & going through the whole process again.

there is a higher than normal calling volume, expected waiting time is 9 hours!!

then finally... ok i'll get you to a representive but i need a bit more information first... no you don't!! because whatever i provide you with now i'm going to have to repeat again to the actual human being that will hopefully grace me with their presence!!

the worst is when i'm driving along & it's one of those messages where you have to make your selections verbally... first of all it that's IMPOSSIBLE when you have your kids in the car... especially when oscar starts repeating everything i say!! & also for some reason... maybe it's my british accent they NEVER understand me!! i end up arguing & getting really irate with an electronic voice, it's ridiculous!!

& when they haven't understood they say 'sorry i'm having so much trouble understanding you' you & me both buddy!

when my first child, oscar, was a baby & i was on maternity leave i got into the routine of 'trying' to breastfeed while watching the tara banks show followed by montel!!

well on one of the tara shows she told us about free 411. my ears pricked up because, i know this sounds mean, but i HATE paying to have a number looked up. this free 411 has got to be the worst version in the entire universe of whatever the system is to understand voices. i swear it's put there on purpose so you then dial the actually 411. i've had many an argument with the automated voice & shown 'her' by hanging up & dialling 411!

but...i still torture myself with it...optimistically thinking maybe this time it will understand me!!! i even put on the 'best' american accent i can possible muster (which i have to say is pretty horrible).

if anyone has any 'beating the automated system' tricks they'd like to share i'd love to hear them!

& just in case anyone wants the free 411 info it's 1 800 free 411 ~ GOOD LUCK!!

[ hemingway ]

soooooooo this is hemingway... we've had him for about 6 years now so we are guessing he must be around 10 years old. we were toying with the idea of getting a cat for a while & everytime i went into petsmart i was drawn to him... he just seemed very calm & wise!

i announced to my husband, mike, (actually this was before we were married!), i announced to my live-in lover! that i think i had found us a cat... come see! mike is great, very patient & understanding (especially so of all the things i get myself into!!) i'll give you an example!! we were at one of my mommy friends houses with lots of other couples with their babies, i think it was for new years eve... it was when i was still struggling to breastfeed ~ that's a whole other blog right there!! anyway my friend 'gigi' & i went upstairs into a baby bedroom to flop out our boobs & feed our babies. (flop out makes them sound a bit saggy & none of ours are!! at least mentally they're not!!) so 'gigi' & i are chatting away... we ALWAYS have a lot to 'discuss' & have a 'wickedly funny' sense of humor which we feed off.

after a while we rejoin the party... & this guy scoffs loudly 'you know the baby monitor was on & we heard your whole conversation...!!' GULP!! i'm trying to appear calm, unconcerned & control the size of my eyeballs all at once ~ meanwhile my mind is rewinding 900 miles an hour, even the words in my head are doing the rewind squeak squeak squeak!!, trying to think if i'd said anything bad!! that's got to be one of the worst things ever to be caught with your pants down like that!! i go find mike & tell him the 'monitor' dilemma. he calmly puts down his drink as says 'ok... do we have to leave now??' & that sums him up!! BRILLIANT!

back to hemingway... mike & i stood in the store looking at him, asked a few questions & the pet adoption lady says let me get him out of the cage. he is sat on a platform furthest away from the cage door... & took one look at that hand coming towards him & you just knew that this is not going to happen without someones tears being shed!!!

this lady is struggling to get him by the scruff and hemingway is dodging & weaving, both parties are starting to get testy... feeling uncomfortable mike & i almost say in unison... but with different words, you know what don't worry, we can see him well enough from here, you don't need to get him out... but no... the adoption lady would not give up, it was a battle of the wills... mike & i stood back pulling painful faces waiting for fur & claws to start flying. there were some points where i couldn't look... i didn't know a cat could stretch that long! & eventually the 'traitor' fabric of the blanket gave up to hemingway's claws, releasing his hold. after further fumbling the totally dishevelled adoption lady stood holding hemingway... we decided then & there we had to have this cat... all that & he didn't even try and scratch her once!

his name was charlie... but mike & i changed it to hemingway, we'd been to see where THE hemingway lived in florida, he was a huge lover of cats & we felt it was appropriate. although when i took him to the vets she said i don't know why you're called hemingway you don't have an extra toe... i didn't comment... as i wasn't the one being asked!!! CUCKOO!!

[ my husband says i attract crazies!! ]

soooooooo... i went to sam's club today... with my boys of course!! my beautiful mom had just been to visit me from italy, i hadn't seen her for 2 years & i'd dropped her off at the airport to go back home the day before. so i had a very heavy heart... my sam's club shopping trip wasn't the joyful event it usually is....

i go to the 'shortest' line to pay! lines are like the map quest directions.... shortest time or shortest distance ~ except you never know quite what you're going to get!!

i notice in my peripheral vision a lady, no cart, trying to exit, so i stop and let her through. then i have a bit of a sinead o'connor moment thinking that about 48 hours ago i had stood in a similar line at sam's with my mom & i drift off in a deep daydream (except it wasn't that deep because i was fully aware of my 2 rascals running in circles behind me!)

someone squeezes past my cart which snaps me out of my staring into space... it's that same 'lady' coming back... she struts past and huffs 'SMILE!!' at me...maybe i didn't hear her right so i say 'excuse me?' to my AMAZEMENT she says 'for god sake smile you're so ugly' & then pulls a face that my son does when i ask him to pose for a photo, pulling the corners of his mouth open with his fingers. i couldn't believe my eyes!! WHO DOES THAT??? i'm left feeling puzzled, trying to make some sort of sense of what has just happened!

all i can say is 'lady' & i use that in the loosest of terms that is the most revolting pant suit i have every had the mispleasure of seeing & it does absolutely nothing for you, except maybe reflect your taste!!

[ nonsense! ]

soooooooo... i'm english, in my thirties & have lived in the states for around 8 years now. needless to say i come across things that aren't what i'm used to. here is one that i really can't get my head around!!

i'm in my favorite grocery store... wegmans, with my boys! it's very early in the morning and there must be a total of 10 customers in there...bliss! i bought some 'veggie chips' in trader joe's, my guys LOVED them & i could pretend that they were indeed eating some kind of vegetable!! i'm not going to burst my bubble by reading the ingredients!

the chip aisle is getting stocked so we weave through looking at the 297 different packets unable to find the one we want...

after going up & down it 3 times i give a very good description of what i'm looking for to one the guys filling the shelves & ask for his help...

his response is.... 'ma'am i just work for fritolay' in other words... i'm here to put these bags of 'fritolay' chips on the shelf, i know nothing about anything else & i have absolutely no desire to help you in any way shape or form if it means i have to physically take any extra steps or speak any extra words. the fact that wegmans is your favorite grocery store concerns me not... please do not bother me.

craziness...

[ it's a good job i'm a bitch!! ]

sooooo... i take my 2 year old for his physical. everything is A ok. i was surprised though, no shots ~ but secretly relieved!! i mean seriously i'd rather get 'stuck' 10 times myself than sit gripping my baby so the doctor can prick and make him scream!

i did ask about 3 times though.. no shots?? oh i felt sure there would be shots.. i'm glad he 's not having shots... but what do i know.

a few days later theres a message on my answer machine at home.. it's blah blah blah from the pediatrician's office... your son needs shots, you need to bring him back. oh for the love.....

my son then develops this cough.. trying to not be a neurotic mom i leave it 3 days... it doesn't get any better & he won't use the nebulizer no matter how exciting i make it!! 3 days is my limit.. i then get into panic mode! luckily for me (& my children!!) my pediatrician will always fit us in. so off we went...

i love my pediatrician (it wasn't always that way, but that's a whole other story!!) & i love the staff too. i go to pay my high co-pay & it's with someone i don't know... & quite frankly wasn't warming to... i mean really... who wears false eyelashes to work, unless you're marilyn monroe or an actress... does marilyn fall into that category??

anyway i'm handing over my credit card and mention that someone had left a message on my answer machine saying my son needed shots... she says with a snotty air, no he doesn't, nonchalantly looking at his chart...who left that message? i said i don't know, it wasn't someone i recognized... it could have been you! ouch!!! in a don't be stupid voice... she scoffed, ME???? it absolutely WASN'T me!!! (in unspoken words & gestures....how dare you accuse me). oh ok ~ i say... so he definitely doesn't need shots then?? no, i've already told you... he definitely doesn't need any... so i say, why would some call me then?? she flutters those falsey's at me and exhales 'i have no idea!' - meow pussy cat!!

i sit down in the busy waiting room... watching my kids climb all over the germ infested toys! that once i would have sprayed and cleaned with 'clorox everywhere' before allowing them anywhere near them! i'm thinking... i know i'm sleep deprived, drink too much wine & a bit neurotic but this is my sons health, why on earth would someone leave me a message if my son didn't need shots. i ring my answer machine at home to see if the message is still there... i don't hold out much hope though, i'm very untidy & not well organized. oh here it is...

i have the message ready, walk over to eyelash girl's desk & ask who is jacqueline? without looking up... that's me. oh... have a listen to this & i hit speaker!! color drained from her face... she develops a 'just swallowed a wasp' expression. i have never seen anyone backpedal so badly or got that much pleasure out of it! ah yes you ARE right! FINALLY ~ when am i ever called that!! fan fare...

thank you very much!! GOODNIGHT!!

[ wegmans on saturday afternoon ]

sooooo i went grocery shopping with my 2 boys, oscar 3 (nearly 4) & flynn 2. we go to wegmans, my favorite grocery store, and also the root to my family's financial ruin!! it's saturday afternoon & i suddenly remember why i don't usually go at that time.. everyone is there!

of course the only shopping cart with the truck in the front is nowhere in sight, much to the unknown relief of all the shoppers ankles i will be behind!! those carts are unbelievably long & i never seem to master that length. i've sent a few displays swaying in the past...! but they have always seemed to stay upright ~ phew!!

the boys graciously settle for a regular cart. oscar insists in getting in the front seat part & being buckled up with the safety belt... where oh where did he get this super square streak i will never know. if i so much as go an inch without that belt being clasped he tells everyone around him... snitching on his mother!, leaving me to 'laugh' it off, oops i 'forgot' sweetie avoiding horrified looks from safety conscious passes by!!

flynn is trotting along side, with his super cute old man style run, smiling away and getting into 99% of everyone's way around him.... this really sorts the wood from the trees & you can spot 'kid haters' a mile off, with their disapproving snarly faces, with a 'how dare you have children - 1 & 2 - dare to bring them out of the house & into a supermarket!' these people used to really upset me, but not anymore!! this is life ~ try dealing with it!! then you get the lovely people who seem pleased to have been made to stop to let my son trip on by, love those people. by the way, just want to say sorry to the old bag, who was very irritated by flynn & was fuming when he managed to get in her way the 5 other times!!! hahahaha!! the BEST part is flynn is totally totally oblivious to it all & just smiles away!!!

the shopping trip was about an average one half way through. oscar checked off a couple of the things from the list i made him.. but then lost interest. they started slowing down & getting a bit whiny... but nothing a push-pop couldn't sort out!!

then... flynn decided to sit in the cart and then.. fall asleep... normally this wouldn't be a problem, but today he just couldn't get comfortable in the cart (probably the cans of sweetcorn he was lying on) and this resulted in him insisting that i have to carry him. so i'm struggling a bit now... flynn in my arms, getting heavier by the nano second and me having to pull the cart with the shopping & oscar in it. i go to a shorter line to check out. there is someone with lots of shopping on the conveyor belt, next is a man, happy 'almost' newborn strapped to his chest, just stood there. i'm wondering firstly how am i going to get all the groceries onto the belt, keep hold of flynn & hope i don't put my back out! then i'm thinking, why isn't this man getting out of my way, theres lots of empty space now on the conveyor belt... come on move out the way!!

then his wife rocks up with over flowing shopping cart... he was just holding the place!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!

how can people just ignore stuff like that!! i would have let him go first & i probably would have given him a hand too

so i'd like to say a BIG thanks for not letting me in! my 2 year old is fast asleep & heavy!!! thanks for ignoring that & hope you have a very pleasant evening!!!