[ ...resolutions! ]

sooooooo...it's that time again to say goodbye to the old year & write a list of things that i'm going to attempt to keep hopefully longer than a week! i really don't know why i keep writing new years resolutions ~ i think i hope every year that this with be THE year that i'll keep at least one of them!!

so lets see:

i'm going to have the usual ones:

drink more water & take my vitamins...

drink less alcohol... is there any point in putting that on it's making me miserable & the new year hasn't started yet!!

make my kids eat more organic & or healthy foods... hopefully this will be more than me hiding jars of baby food vegetables in pasta sauce!

oh & try to put the washing away before it turns into mount rushmore, that way my socks might stay in pairs ~ i have no idea where half the socks go... all i can say is i'm thankful that humans only have 2 feet & we don't have to wear them in summer!

keep the house tidy.... mmmmmmmmm basically i'd like to be a domestic goddess

keep daydreaming about being a domestic goddess! (i have to put something on there that i can definitely keep!)

i'd like to 'de~clutter' too... i have no idea how to do this... but writing it down is a good start right?

make sure i send cards for everyone's birthdays... that kind of slipped last year.

surround myself with positive energy (sounds exhausting!!)

decorate the spare room

go on regular 'date nights' with the hubby. (& use a ridiculously small bag that has no baby items in it!)

i s'ppose it would also be nice if i went to bed earlier... but how am i meant to do all the other stuff & manage that!!

& the old chestnut... loose some weight. my husband was watching some tribute rock thing on tv the other day & annie lennox was on it. she looks AMAZING!! i had to look up her age... she's 55!! still not sure i like her hair-do but her figure is great! i remember being at school singing that song of hers with my friends ~ something about an angel, when we were meant to be doing cross country running, we were probably walking!! i'll give the weight thing a go...AGAIN... but i'll wait till the 2nd, my fridge has got too much good stuff in it at the moment... i love it!! it's like the fridge on tom & jerry. & lets face it.. in the words of bridget jones... I will always be just a little bit fat. ...




as long as we are healthy, happy, have clothes on our backs & food to eat that should do it!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

***UPDATED!! [ i can't get in my package! ]

***UPDATED EDIT BELOW ORIGINAL POST:

sooooooo... i buy oscar a toy for his birthday... & need dynamite to get the packaging off!! why oh why do all these packages need to be wired up with 3 million pieces of wire & plastic bits & pieces. is this some sort of ploy to make extra jobs?

all i know is that it makes my life really difficult when you have a 4 year old unable to contain his excitement while i'm untwisting as fast as i can to free the object from it's box!!

that is someones job to twist all those wires... & i swear whoever twists them - twists them the opposite way you'd go on purpose!!

the packaging i detest are those plastic 'shells' that are impossible to open without the aid of a circular or chain saw! & those so & so's are sharp! i wonder if they make these like this so, god forbid, you need to return it you've opened the packaging.

some flat pack furniture gives spanners or allen keys with the bag of nuts & bolts to help you put them together... these boxes should be giving mini wire cutters!

there should be new labeling too ~ instead of 'assembly', it should read 'dis assembly' required!!

***UPDATED!!!!

soooooo... i still can not believe this packaging!! it was christmas day yesterday so we had a 'few' items to remove from their boxes! WOW!! ok so there were the expected 2 million twisty wire ties, industrial tape & cable ties but this is a first for me... we got oscar & flynn a truck each that actually had to be UNSCREWED from their boxes, but not with a regular sized screw driver an unusual little one!! it took around 10 minutes to get everything out.

but finally.... we received matchbox vehicles & they have it right... it was secured in the box but was very easy to remove without any tools! HOORAY!!!

[ ticket...! ]

sooooooo... i was driving oscar to nursery school this morning & to his delight we pass a police car that had flashing sirens. he said that's like the one that stopped you & gave you a ticket...... i replied mmmmmmm yes (didn't really want to be reminded of that little incident..) oscar then asks 'was it a good ticket?' i reply no darling... police don't give out good tickets!

then i got to thinking... oscar's a genius! (of course!) wouldn't it be nice if the police gave out good tickets for once. ma'am i saw you driving really well & you let that other person out... here's a 'good ticket'! maybe they could be gift certificates!!

& maybe they should have different colored lights for 'good tickets' ~ say red & green for the holidays.... that way you can avoid that horrible sunken feeling when you get pulled over!!

just a thought!!...

[ happy thanksgiving!* ]

> here's what we should ALL be thankful for!

[1] that we're not turkeys this time of year!

i tried to find a statistic on how many do get killed but i couldn't find a credible one, it's millions though!

[2] that gas prices have come down from those crazy $4 & something prices...

[3] that we have access to the internet

[4] that we have clean water & electricity... i can't even begin to imagine what an absolute nightmare it must be to have to deal with not having those. (it's bad enough when there's a power cut! i go to turn on the light switch 9 million times!!)

[5] for things that make you smile & laugh



> what my son oscar is thankful for (he's 4):

[1] that he loves his mommy!! (i can't believe he came out with that!! i feel like a walton!!)

[2] for daddy ~ that's cool too!!

[3] the fire truck piñata

[4] pizza (cheese pizza)

[5] his super man cape

[6] handy manny

[7] the fire station auntie val brought him

[8] push pops (cherry ones)

[9] his towel (he uses one like a security blanket)

[10] rescue heroes


> as a mom what i'm thankful for!

[1] the health of my boys (including my husband)!

[2] the love of my boys (including my husband)!

[3] my friends & family

[4] wipes

[5] coffee

[6] my washer & dryer

[ *HAPPY THANKSGIVING!* ]

[ brooommmmm ]

sooooooo... i'm driving my 4 year old, oscar, to nursery school this morning. we left in plenty of time, no really! & we were stuck in this traffic jam... i have no idea what caused it & i really didn't want him to be late for school. so we're sat there & oscar says what is this jam? honk the horn mum. i ask what good will honking the horn do & he replied to make them get out of out way!

i find it really funny how as soon as we get into a car & are surrounded with metal we would do things that we never normally would. lots of people become really aggressive, i've been the receiver of countless 'birds'! & have caused so much anger by wanting to switch lane, i'm indicating there's space but NO! people refuse to let you in... speed up in fact ~ doing that keeping my eyes straight ahead look, i can't see you! they would never need to get in another lane!!

what makes us like that? is it the fact that we can lock the doors & get away?

& what's with the picking the nose? it's like your fingers must have something else to do while driving & having a good old poke around the nostrils is the answer! just bear that in mind next time you have to borrow a car, the steering wheel is probably half made up of other people booggers!!

can you imagine if pushing a shopping cart had the same effect on us!! we'd be cutting each other off up aisles, yelling derogatory comments, honking the horn if you dared to stop & read a package. actually a horn would be great, some people are just so oblivious of blocking everyone's way!!


if we didn't have the metal around us we would basically be going along on armchairs & couches on wheels up the road.

since having kids i've really calmed my driving down... i try to leave in time & not make any crazy manoeuvres!! but it's nuts really, you can be driving along without a care in the world, but if you are late it's a totally different experience STRESS! the worst is when you are late & you're stuck behind the person who doesn't have a care in the world & isn't even doing the speed limit. you can almost hear them saying la la la la la as they're going along all calm & relaxed adding fuel to your fire!

i think we all take it turns with driving... either being the annoying person or being the annoyed person! when i see people arguing over a parking spot it looks really ridiculous!! but if that was my parking spot i'd be right there with the best of them!!

lets just stay safe ok!?

[ squeeeeek ]

sooooooo... we brought a stove that we had stored in garage upstairs & there was a mouse in it!

it shot behind the fridge stayed there for a while & then made a bee line for the hole in the wall by the radiator.




one of the reasons we got a cat was because i read that the mice smell the cat & leave... mmmmmmmmm that works NOT!! we live in an old house with lots of holes in & out of places so we do get a mouse or two from time to time. i set humane traps, put them in a cage & then drive them a few miles away & drop them off in an allotment (so they'll have food!). i can't help it, i'm an animal lover & can't bear the thought of killing them. luckily my husband just lets me do all this crazy stuff & helps me too.

the other day james brown (our siamese) was in mouse mode & was sitting waiting for one to come out from behind a trunk. i couldn't take it... so my son oscar & i threw a towel over the it, i scooped it up & we ran outside to let it free. when i opened up the towel the mouse had magically disappeared!! which meant i hadn't caught it in the first place!

so the mouse that had been living in the stove found it's way into the bath, i thought i'd try out my towel trick again! as i covered him up, really fast, he let out a little scream! i scooped him up with both hands held him firm but not too tight & then found myself in the most ridiculous position! my husband was in the garage & couldn't hear me, i was stuck in the house with all the doors shut unable to use either of my hands because they were holding the mouse in the towel with a rescue team consisting of a 2 & 4 year old. i tried flynn, the 2 year old first ~ i urged him to open the door, he gripped hold of the handle trying really hard to turn it... that was going no where fast, so i called for back up, oscar, who after about 10 goes & me being his cheerleader because he wanted to give up, opened it!! yeahhhhh! we all dash outside i open the towel... the little mouse looked at us & then tried to bury further in the towel... arhhhhhhhhhh!

i look at mike... he looks at me... then says you want to keep it don't you!? well it is cold outside... YES!! so he puts the cage together & i pop him in (the mouse that is!!) i've named him gordon ramsey, he loves cookers after all!!!

[ weeeee-oooooo ]

sooooooo... i finally found the dvd cover of the library's fireman sam!! phew... this is costing me a dollar a day! so i take it back & also stop at the drive through bank to get some cash (got to say the bank drive through really is a brilliant american invention!) my money is given to me in an envelope & i drive away... i get that nagging feeling... you know the one, my parents installed this into me, when i buy a box of eggs, the need to check that none are broken in the store. i've tried not to do this ~ walk away from the fridge but i always break before i get to the cash desk. i don't lift each one up like my dad does...i just turn the box upside down to check they move & that the tops aren't cracked.

so i've driven away from the bank & not checked the cash in the envelope... i get it out & try to count it, but i can't concentrate with flynn telling me to put 'that' song on again & oscar wanting the window open. i pull over in the hard shoulder put on my hazards & count my dough (*english slang for money! ~ see below if you want more of an explanation)

all of a sudden i see in my mirror a police car... noooooooo ~ my knee caps are like jelly, it stops in front of me & as the officer is walking towards my car i look up & see a sign that might as well be glittery & flashing that says NO stopping or standing!

i tell the officer i'm so so sorry i had to stop, my son dropped something... he said that's fine i just wanted to check you were ok! wow!! thank you! thank god i'm in an 'automatic' vehicle not a manual 'stick shift' because i kind of went to pieces pulling off with my hazard's still on, i would have kangarooed up the road!!

flynn says mummy don't cry!! i said mummy's not crying this time!!

he said that because a couple of weeks ago i had to drive my mum to jfk airport to go back home :( my husband usually does this as it's so painful... but he was away on business. so the boys & i drove her there & we just did the 'kiss & fly' thing... that was bad enough ~ i was balling my eyes out, flynn & oscar trying to console me... (making it nicely kind of worse!) goodbyes are heart breaking.

any ways we were stuck in traffic for seemed like 2 weeks, oscar needs me to pull over so he can go pee... so i found a store we went into.

we are nearly home & i need to make a right... the traffic light is red & there are 5 cars in front of me... i NEVER do things like this but i was sooo upset & spurred on by mr ray's 'gimme a hi 5' song we'd been playing non stop... i pulled into the hard shoulder... i'd gone probably 2 lengths of cars when the blue & red lights are flashing... i pull over & the officer doesn't completely come up to my window, asks for my license... i try & tell him i'd just dropped my mum off at the airport & i'm crying, he walks off & then presents me with a ticket... THE THING I HATE THE MOST IS.... i said THANK YOU when he gave me it!! how very british of me!! 4 points & a fine!!

then... to add insult to injury i had an argument with oscar who said he's an amazing hero... !!! i taught him a word he really shouldn't know yet!!!




(*dough ~ mid-1800s slang for bread. bread from cockney rhyming slang, bread and honey = money. bread also has associations with money, 'earning a crust').

[ SMARTIES!! ~ who did this to you?!! ]

soooooooooo... i was in wegmans (come on!), my box of tea had just run out & being a brit i really fancied good old pg tips (it's the taste!!!) this blog is going to be wasted on non uk-ees.

anyway i was pushing the boys around the 'international' section, scouring the shelves for those triangular bags when to my delight i noticed that there was a brand new section of yummy english chocolate bars... mmmmmm aero!! chunky kit kats & brilliant! my beloved SMARTIES!!! BUT HOLD ON A MINUTE!! what the hell happened!! i picked up the package & let out a gasp!! seriously!! oscar asked me what was wrong & i tried to explain to him but he just didn't get it as his response was 'oh well'! the 'tube' is hexagonal! & where is that fantastic pop lid with the letter inside!! i could not believe my eyes!! i LOVED those lids... i used to collect them, stick them into blu tack & push them down on my arm to try to leave an imprint. i'd often say before i opened them 'if the letter is 'a' or whatever i'd pass my test, or get my favorite tea or that boy will fancy me!! when i finished eating the smarties i'd fire the lid off top by stamping on the tube.

it was bad enough when they changed the background colour of the tube & i think they changed the font on the inside of the lids slightly. (nerd alert!!)

as soon as i got home i got on the internet hoping that this was some crazy foreign packaging & my beautiful smarties would at least be safe in their own country... but no, very very sadly it's true. i don't understand why... the worst part is i think this happened in 2005 & i've only just found out!! what else has happened? don't tell me... no more jaffa cakes or marmite!

i feel like they've killed one of my childhood memories & left this 6 sided impostor hoping that we'll love it all the same! or did they think we wouldn't notice??

i feel like someone shot johnny ball... or burnt down tony hart's gallery (by the way i sent in loads of pictures & none of them got shown) or massacred the wombles!!

NO NO NO NO NO!!! i feel confused & sad! i wonder if they taste the same!

[ my son is 4! ]

sooooooo.... my older son, oscar, is 4 today!!! i can't believe it, it's gone in a blink.













my mum, every birthday, came out with the 'day i was born' story! oooooh & i'd roll my eyes thinking here we go again! it always starts with... i remember the day you were born, it was a beautiful day, the sky was blue, the sun was shining & the birds were singing...

i swore i'd NEVER do that when i had children... no no no. but here i find myself driving oscar to nursery school saying... i remember the day you were born, it was beautiful day, just like this one, & your daddy drove me to the hospital. then the doctor pulled you out & you were all slimy!! and had a hose connected to you (i had to keep his interest & add some sort of fireman element!!)

i found myself breaking down, it was really emotional... the wonder of having a baby & what our bodies are capable of... to think 4 years has gone & that wrinkly little thing has grown into this amazing boisterous little boy, with his own way of thinking & doing things. breathe!! that was one sentence...

so i'm destined to say this every year & 10, 20, 30, 100 years will pass (i put a big number in there because i'm going to live forever!! SCARY!! this is where i have to stop analysing life or we'll be depressed!!

when i got to the part that we stayed in hospital a couple of days oscar said lets talk about this tonight... that's his new way of saying he's had enough & he's only heard this 3 times!! unbelievable!

& while buying munchkins for oscar's class why do i have the need to tell the dunkin' donuts man that it's his birthday? (no ~ not for free donuts, good job really 'cos i didn't get one!) but seriously he could care less!

when we took oscar home from the hospital the nurse that escorted us out said (like 10 million people before her) enjoy every second it goes so fast. i remember saying to mike could everyone stop with the 'enjoy ever second' thang already!! but... it's TRUE!! if i got a dime for every time i've said it to other people i could probably just about buy a coffee!! but what i mean is i'm doing it now!! so we spend half our lives saying i'm never going to do that & the other half doing it!! do all men wear their pants high when they get old??

the thing is... i'd roll my eyes at my mum, but now i totally understand... the need to tell the story, to share this amazing event, the pride, the joy, the whole emotional package!! but why can't i just get it? why did it take me to actually have children myself to understand.... i find life weird like that, it just lets you make mistakes & learn things that have been done over & over & over...

so i've kind of come to conclusion that's why most people want to talk about amazing events, things they've survived, been part of.

[ a wipe for every occasion! ]

sooooooo... i really don't know what i'd do without my baby wipes! seriously i think i've used them for almost every spillage & beyond! i took my boys to have their holiday pictures taken the other day & oscar had some hair sticking up, nothing a wipe couldn't sort out! wipes to me are almost like windex is to that guy in my big fat greek wedding! the only thing they're not that great for, i've found, is i needed a tissue the other day & tried to use a dried up wipe... not that effective. but have you noticed that wipes are the thing! you can buy a wipe for almost anything that can get wiped! i went to get some sort of cleaner for the stainless on my fridge, there's a wipe! for our leather couch ~ a wipe! granite! inside the car! pets! windows! wouldn't it be great if we could make these wipes clean up other messes... like rude people, just get a wipe out & fix that! wipes that make everyone all better, wipes that make prices cheaper! happy wipes! not being late wipes, big butt wipes!... i'd push them to the max!

[ what happened to my eating skills since i had babies! ]

sooooooo... i love my food & used to enjoy taking my time to eat a lovely meal. i was shown how to use a knife & fork at an early age!

but... what the heck happened since having babies! i know it's because you get that 5 minutes of 'peace' & have to get something inside you.

i woof down my meals at an incredible rate, my mouth is like a garage... shoving it large pieces in one go

the other thing i've found myself doing is eating things my kids hand me because i don't know what else to do with these items! like half eaten lollipops, cookies & cheerios... there's no garbage can insight, so the easiest thing to do is eat them!

i wish i had the will power to be able to throw out the left over chicken nuggets, fish sticks, mac & cheese! mmmm mmmmmmm!

things i've been caught doing!!!

piling up 2 pieces of pizza on top of each other to eat them faster!

choosing soup, (i don't actually like soup) no chewing involved though & i can fit it in a to go cup!!

licking my plate, i've been caught doing this several times in public... (usually when icing is involved!) & i don't even notice that i've done it until it's pointed out!

trying to have a conversation with mouth crammed full. or... someone asks me something when i've just shoved in 1/3 of my plate & we sit in silence while i'm trying to chew 100 miles an hour to be able to answer.

finishing way too quickly when eating with a non-new parent!! this is funny! it's like there's a race... the plates go down & i don't look up till i'm done! sometimes i'm confronted with really surprised eyes, well i'm hoping they're surprised & not scared!!) but then you have to sit & wait till that person has finished... in that time i'm usually thinking about the 10 million things that need doing! sad i know!

eating spaghetti with my hands!!! (they were clean & although i have great swirling action the silverware was slowing me down!)


... but really ~ surely i should be loosing this fast eating habit now that my youngest is 2, but i can't seem to shake it!

[ ebay ~ half.com ]

sooooooooooo..... i got caught out... please let this be a warning to you!

i bought this stupid book to do my praxis test with from ets. if ANYONE is going to do their praxis test don't buy 'the' book ~ they are rubbish!

so i decide to sell it on half.com.... someone wants it... i wrap it up, take it to the post office & send it media mail...

a few weeks later the buyer sends me an email telling me they haven't received it yet... i write back saying i sent it!

then... i get an email from ebay... saying that they are issuing a refund from me to this person because i have no proof of the book being sent & the buyer has not received it...

basically it comes down to my word against theirs!!

my only constellation is... that book is crap!!

[ dragonfly farms ]

sooooooo... i took the boys to dragonfly farms in hamilton on a beautiful autumn morning & we had a great time! there is a hay maze, i had a bit of trouble running through it, i think this is my wake up call to loose a few pounds! as i'm writing this i'm scoffing a delicious blueberry bagel! yum yum yum ooooooooo whatever!!! anyway it's getting colder which means i need a little extra me to keep warm!!

lots & lots of cool varieties of pumpkins ~ check out the texture in the first photo.

a great petting zoo!! like all petting zoos a lovely authentic aroma!!

but.. best of all is the hayride through the SPOOKY forest. i wooooo-ed all the way through it!!! when we got off i asked my fellow passagers where they got their tickets from... (i kind of sneaked on last minute!) & they said it was FREE!! music to my ears!! i would have wooooo-ed harder!!

up shot is ~ great place to take your little ones for a 'fall' treat!!! my sons 2 & nearly 4 really enjoyed themselves!! they are definitely the perfect ages for this activity.

info:

www.dragonflyfarmsnj.com

966 Kuser Rd
Trenton, NJ 08619-4019
(609) 588-0013

[ brrrrring brrrrring ]

sooooooooo...i'm going to sound really old now but i can't stand automated phone messages! first of all what is this? ~'please listen to all our options as they have recently changed...' yeah right!! this has become the standard message... if i was making a phone message for a company i would probably use that line! why is there the need to say that? it doesn't make me listen harder... in fact i have this extremely annoying habit of switching off while that message is going on & then i'm left having to make a completely blind selection or... hanging up & going through the whole process again.

there is a higher than normal calling volume, expected waiting time is 9 hours!!

then finally... ok i'll get you to a representive but i need a bit more information first... no you don't!! because whatever i provide you with now i'm going to have to repeat again to the actual human being that will hopefully grace me with their presence!!

the worst is when i'm driving along & it's one of those messages where you have to make your selections verbally... first of all it that's IMPOSSIBLE when you have your kids in the car... especially when oscar starts repeating everything i say!! & also for some reason... maybe it's my british accent they NEVER understand me!! i end up arguing & getting really irate with an electronic voice, it's ridiculous!!

& when they haven't understood they say 'sorry i'm having so much trouble understanding you' you & me both buddy!

when my first child, oscar, was a baby & i was on maternity leave i got into the routine of 'trying' to breastfeed while watching the tara banks show followed by montel!!

well on one of the tara shows she told us about free 411. my ears pricked up because, i know this sounds mean, but i HATE paying to have a number looked up. this free 411 has got to be the worst version in the entire universe of whatever the system is to understand voices. i swear it's put there on purpose so you then dial the actually 411. i've had many an argument with the automated voice & shown 'her' by hanging up & dialling 411!

but...i still torture myself with it...optimistically thinking maybe this time it will understand me!!! i even put on the 'best' american accent i can possible muster (which i have to say is pretty horrible).

if anyone has any 'beating the automated system' tricks they'd like to share i'd love to hear them!

& just in case anyone wants the free 411 info it's 1 800 free 411 ~ GOOD LUCK!!

[ hemingway ]

soooooooo this is hemingway... we've had him for about 6 years now so we are guessing he must be around 10 years old. we were toying with the idea of getting a cat for a while & everytime i went into petsmart i was drawn to him... he just seemed very calm & wise!

i announced to my husband, mike, (actually this was before we were married!), i announced to my live-in lover! that i think i had found us a cat... come see! mike is great, very patient & understanding (especially so of all the things i get myself into!!) i'll give you an example!! we were at one of my mommy friends houses with lots of other couples with their babies, i think it was for new years eve... it was when i was still struggling to breastfeed ~ that's a whole other blog right there!! anyway my friend 'gigi' & i went upstairs into a baby bedroom to flop out our boobs & feed our babies. (flop out makes them sound a bit saggy & none of ours are!! at least mentally they're not!!) so 'gigi' & i are chatting away... we ALWAYS have a lot to 'discuss' & have a 'wickedly funny' sense of humor which we feed off.

after a while we rejoin the party... & this guy scoffs loudly 'you know the baby monitor was on & we heard your whole conversation...!!' GULP!! i'm trying to appear calm, unconcerned & control the size of my eyeballs all at once ~ meanwhile my mind is rewinding 900 miles an hour, even the words in my head are doing the rewind squeak squeak squeak!!, trying to think if i'd said anything bad!! that's got to be one of the worst things ever to be caught with your pants down like that!! i go find mike & tell him the 'monitor' dilemma. he calmly puts down his drink as says 'ok... do we have to leave now??' & that sums him up!! BRILLIANT!

back to hemingway... mike & i stood in the store looking at him, asked a few questions & the pet adoption lady says let me get him out of the cage. he is sat on a platform furthest away from the cage door... & took one look at that hand coming towards him & you just knew that this is not going to happen without someones tears being shed!!!

this lady is struggling to get him by the scruff and hemingway is dodging & weaving, both parties are starting to get testy... feeling uncomfortable mike & i almost say in unison... but with different words, you know what don't worry, we can see him well enough from here, you don't need to get him out... but no... the adoption lady would not give up, it was a battle of the wills... mike & i stood back pulling painful faces waiting for fur & claws to start flying. there were some points where i couldn't look... i didn't know a cat could stretch that long! & eventually the 'traitor' fabric of the blanket gave up to hemingway's claws, releasing his hold. after further fumbling the totally dishevelled adoption lady stood holding hemingway... we decided then & there we had to have this cat... all that & he didn't even try and scratch her once!

his name was charlie... but mike & i changed it to hemingway, we'd been to see where THE hemingway lived in florida, he was a huge lover of cats & we felt it was appropriate. although when i took him to the vets she said i don't know why you're called hemingway you don't have an extra toe... i didn't comment... as i wasn't the one being asked!!! CUCKOO!!

[ my husband says i attract crazies!! ]

soooooooo... i went to sam's club today... with my boys of course!! my beautiful mom had just been to visit me from italy, i hadn't seen her for 2 years & i'd dropped her off at the airport to go back home the day before. so i had a very heavy heart... my sam's club shopping trip wasn't the joyful event it usually is....

i go to the 'shortest' line to pay! lines are like the map quest directions.... shortest time or shortest distance ~ except you never know quite what you're going to get!!

i notice in my peripheral vision a lady, no cart, trying to exit, so i stop and let her through. then i have a bit of a sinead o'connor moment thinking that about 48 hours ago i had stood in a similar line at sam's with my mom & i drift off in a deep daydream (except it wasn't that deep because i was fully aware of my 2 rascals running in circles behind me!)

someone squeezes past my cart which snaps me out of my staring into space... it's that same 'lady' coming back... she struts past and huffs 'SMILE!!' at me...maybe i didn't hear her right so i say 'excuse me?' to my AMAZEMENT she says 'for god sake smile you're so ugly' & then pulls a face that my son does when i ask him to pose for a photo, pulling the corners of his mouth open with his fingers. i couldn't believe my eyes!! WHO DOES THAT??? i'm left feeling puzzled, trying to make some sort of sense of what has just happened!

all i can say is 'lady' & i use that in the loosest of terms that is the most revolting pant suit i have every had the mispleasure of seeing & it does absolutely nothing for you, except maybe reflect your taste!!

[ nonsense! ]

soooooooo... i'm english, in my thirties & have lived in the states for around 8 years now. needless to say i come across things that aren't what i'm used to. here is one that i really can't get my head around!!

i'm in my favorite grocery store... wegmans, with my boys! it's very early in the morning and there must be a total of 10 customers in there...bliss! i bought some 'veggie chips' in trader joe's, my guys LOVED them & i could pretend that they were indeed eating some kind of vegetable!! i'm not going to burst my bubble by reading the ingredients!

the chip aisle is getting stocked so we weave through looking at the 297 different packets unable to find the one we want...

after going up & down it 3 times i give a very good description of what i'm looking for to one the guys filling the shelves & ask for his help...

his response is.... 'ma'am i just work for fritolay' in other words... i'm here to put these bags of 'fritolay' chips on the shelf, i know nothing about anything else & i have absolutely no desire to help you in any way shape or form if it means i have to physically take any extra steps or speak any extra words. the fact that wegmans is your favorite grocery store concerns me not... please do not bother me.

craziness...

[ it's a good job i'm a bitch!! ]

sooooo... i take my 2 year old for his physical. everything is A ok. i was surprised though, no shots ~ but secretly relieved!! i mean seriously i'd rather get 'stuck' 10 times myself than sit gripping my baby so the doctor can prick and make him scream!

i did ask about 3 times though.. no shots?? oh i felt sure there would be shots.. i'm glad he 's not having shots... but what do i know.

a few days later theres a message on my answer machine at home.. it's blah blah blah from the pediatrician's office... your son needs shots, you need to bring him back. oh for the love.....

my son then develops this cough.. trying to not be a neurotic mom i leave it 3 days... it doesn't get any better & he won't use the nebulizer no matter how exciting i make it!! 3 days is my limit.. i then get into panic mode! luckily for me (& my children!!) my pediatrician will always fit us in. so off we went...

i love my pediatrician (it wasn't always that way, but that's a whole other story!!) & i love the staff too. i go to pay my high co-pay & it's with someone i don't know... & quite frankly wasn't warming to... i mean really... who wears false eyelashes to work, unless you're marilyn monroe or an actress... does marilyn fall into that category??

anyway i'm handing over my credit card and mention that someone had left a message on my answer machine saying my son needed shots... she says with a snotty air, no he doesn't, nonchalantly looking at his chart...who left that message? i said i don't know, it wasn't someone i recognized... it could have been you! ouch!!! in a don't be stupid voice... she scoffed, ME???? it absolutely WASN'T me!!! (in unspoken words & gestures....how dare you accuse me). oh ok ~ i say... so he definitely doesn't need shots then?? no, i've already told you... he definitely doesn't need any... so i say, why would some call me then?? she flutters those falsey's at me and exhales 'i have no idea!' - meow pussy cat!!

i sit down in the busy waiting room... watching my kids climb all over the germ infested toys! that once i would have sprayed and cleaned with 'clorox everywhere' before allowing them anywhere near them! i'm thinking... i know i'm sleep deprived, drink too much wine & a bit neurotic but this is my sons health, why on earth would someone leave me a message if my son didn't need shots. i ring my answer machine at home to see if the message is still there... i don't hold out much hope though, i'm very untidy & not well organized. oh here it is...

i have the message ready, walk over to eyelash girl's desk & ask who is jacqueline? without looking up... that's me. oh... have a listen to this & i hit speaker!! color drained from her face... she develops a 'just swallowed a wasp' expression. i have never seen anyone backpedal so badly or got that much pleasure out of it! ah yes you ARE right! FINALLY ~ when am i ever called that!! fan fare...

thank you very much!! GOODNIGHT!!

[ wegmans on saturday afternoon ]

sooooo i went grocery shopping with my 2 boys, oscar 3 (nearly 4) & flynn 2. we go to wegmans, my favorite grocery store, and also the root to my family's financial ruin!! it's saturday afternoon & i suddenly remember why i don't usually go at that time.. everyone is there!

of course the only shopping cart with the truck in the front is nowhere in sight, much to the unknown relief of all the shoppers ankles i will be behind!! those carts are unbelievably long & i never seem to master that length. i've sent a few displays swaying in the past...! but they have always seemed to stay upright ~ phew!!

the boys graciously settle for a regular cart. oscar insists in getting in the front seat part & being buckled up with the safety belt... where oh where did he get this super square streak i will never know. if i so much as go an inch without that belt being clasped he tells everyone around him... snitching on his mother!, leaving me to 'laugh' it off, oops i 'forgot' sweetie avoiding horrified looks from safety conscious passes by!!

flynn is trotting along side, with his super cute old man style run, smiling away and getting into 99% of everyone's way around him.... this really sorts the wood from the trees & you can spot 'kid haters' a mile off, with their disapproving snarly faces, with a 'how dare you have children - 1 & 2 - dare to bring them out of the house & into a supermarket!' these people used to really upset me, but not anymore!! this is life ~ try dealing with it!! then you get the lovely people who seem pleased to have been made to stop to let my son trip on by, love those people. by the way, just want to say sorry to the old bag, who was very irritated by flynn & was fuming when he managed to get in her way the 5 other times!!! hahahaha!! the BEST part is flynn is totally totally oblivious to it all & just smiles away!!!

the shopping trip was about an average one half way through. oscar checked off a couple of the things from the list i made him.. but then lost interest. they started slowing down & getting a bit whiny... but nothing a push-pop couldn't sort out!!

then... flynn decided to sit in the cart and then.. fall asleep... normally this wouldn't be a problem, but today he just couldn't get comfortable in the cart (probably the cans of sweetcorn he was lying on) and this resulted in him insisting that i have to carry him. so i'm struggling a bit now... flynn in my arms, getting heavier by the nano second and me having to pull the cart with the shopping & oscar in it. i go to a shorter line to check out. there is someone with lots of shopping on the conveyor belt, next is a man, happy 'almost' newborn strapped to his chest, just stood there. i'm wondering firstly how am i going to get all the groceries onto the belt, keep hold of flynn & hope i don't put my back out! then i'm thinking, why isn't this man getting out of my way, theres lots of empty space now on the conveyor belt... come on move out the way!!

then his wife rocks up with over flowing shopping cart... he was just holding the place!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!

how can people just ignore stuff like that!! i would have let him go first & i probably would have given him a hand too

so i'd like to say a BIG thanks for not letting me in! my 2 year old is fast asleep & heavy!!! thanks for ignoring that & hope you have a very pleasant evening!!!