[ flu shot ]

sooooooo... i have to get this off my chest ~ as i've said before this blog is part of my therapy...

last week i called up my pediatrician's office & made appointments for the boys & me to have flu shots. flynn, 4, must have overheard & asked was it just oscar going. i replied no ~ all of us... he asked 'for flu shots?' & i couldn't lie...

this was not how i wanted to handle this ~ i wanted to take them to the appointment & they'd realized what was happening minutes before.

so for the last few days flynn must have been agonizing about this... i gently explained that we all need to have our flu shot, that it doesn't hurt at all & if you got the flu you'd be very sick etc etc etc (actually if he doesn't have the shot he would have to withdraw from pre-school). but this wasn't helping... so i then starting answering 'ok' to his statements ~ 'i'm not having the shot. tell the dr i don't want it. i'll get it next month. i won't get the flu.'

oscar, 5, on the other hand was behaving very bravely. 'mum, i'll go first ~ get it over with.'

i was reading stories to them as we waited our turn... when we were called into our room i looked at oscar ~ he had gone very pale & decided not to go first. flynn stood by the door. i pulled up my sleeve ~ confirmed it didn't hurt. next oscar sat on my knee. i told him to take a deep breath & when i saw the needle was about to go in told him to let it out. he also confirmed it didn't hurt. flynn started rapidly saying over  'i don't want it...' i tried to talk to him but he got hysterical, screaming & crying as loudly as he could... really screaming & slamming into the door. i really had to struggle to get hold of him, i fought trying to get his leg out (i think shots in kids thighs must hurt less...) it took all my strength & was horrible. i wanted to just pick him up & run ~ it hurt me so much... my insides ached & i felt sick. the shot was over in an instant but 6 hours later i still feel pains...

then i kept getting these awful thoughts ~ what if he was kidnapped or someone terrible tried to do something to him ~ he'd put up that kind of fight... that's want kids do... i'm making myself crazier!

we went to wegmans to watch the movie & eat pizza... flynn wanted to sit on my lap ~ i was really surprised, i thought he'd be really fed up with me, but instead his hugs felt tighter & when daddy met us he proudly showed off his plaster [band-aid], there are no words to describe this love